Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
