I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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