hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
