you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
