8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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