At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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