i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
