don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize