There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize