I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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