So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
