I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
