He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
