OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
