He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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