i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How naked do you want me to be?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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