the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the day after is always just damage control
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
