Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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