You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
time to smoke my breakfast
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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