playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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