In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
