I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
