I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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