I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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