If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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