Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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