i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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