yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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