i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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