So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
