Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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