im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
