Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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