dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
