Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.

Fav 10 4312 909
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(270): View more from Kentucky

they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

Fav 19 5972 1600
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(309): View more from Illinois

I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

Fav 14 3883 1509
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(716): View more from New York

do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth

Fav 13 1440 3497
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(949): View more from California

I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...

Fav 2 1544 1259
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(805): View more from California

Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?

Fav 7 854 1440
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is

Fav 4 1152 685
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(615): View more from Tennessee

A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.

Fav 3 742 816
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.

Fav 0 117 96
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