...so i touched it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize