You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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