I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
