We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
is that a dick in a sweater?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
