I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
