i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
