I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
