I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
