After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
