I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
