My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
