I could have mohawked her pubes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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