bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I lost the right to judge tonight
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
