I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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