your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
