I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
