Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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