somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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