o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
