So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
