last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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