Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
