i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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