Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
