we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
