I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
