3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
