I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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