Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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