So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
