I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
