I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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