Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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