She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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