How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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