I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
